Never Alone Always Alone
by Tess84
Summary: A one-shot inspired by the song Never Alone Always Alone by Takida. Takes place after the porch scene at the end of Bad Moon Rising. A little dip into  Damon's mind. Some cursing, hence the rating.


**AN: So I'm venturing into the world of **_**The Vampire Diaries**_**, the show that I am the most addicted to at the moment. I was listening to a song the other day and just realized how well parts of it fits Damon's character … and then this little one-shot started churning in my head, so I thought I might as well write it down. Hope you like it.**

**Oh, and the songs featured are **_**Curly Sue**_** and **_**Never Alone Always Alone (Box Room version)**_** – which is the song that inspired me in the first place – both by the amazing Swedish group Takida – yes, that's right, I'm promoting Swedish music again, so sue me! If you haven't heard them – and I don't think they've made it outside of Sweden at the moment – I suggest listening to them. Both songs are available on youtube. Just be sure to listen to the Box Room version of **_**Never Alone Always Alone**_**, it's much better than the normal version. And now, on with the story. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Damon Salvatore … not that I wouldn't want to … I mean, who wouldn't, right? The characters of _The Vampire Diaries_ are the property of L.J. Smith and the people at The CW, and the lyrics belong to Takida. I'm just borrowing a little.**

**Never Alone Always Alone**

He didn't look back as he walked away from her. He could hear that she remained on the porch – any other day he would have found comfort in that, in knowing that she was probably watching his retreating form, but not today – but he didn't dare turn to see the look on her face. It would already be etched into his memory for the rest of his very own piece of eternity.

_And the answer to your question about our friendship … is yes. You have lost me forever._

The words still burned into his mind.

He should have realized what her answer would be. He should have known that there was no way she would ever be able to forgive him for what he had done. He had tried to kill her brother, for Christ's sake. Would have if it hadn't been for that nifty little come-back-from-the-dead ring that he hadn't even known the kid was wearing. She shouldn't forgive him, no matter how desperate he was for her to do exactly that.

Should he have lied to her? He had considered it, but in the end come to the conclusion that she would probably realize he wasn't completely truthful. She knew him way too well not to pick up on when he lied to her.

He didn't want to go home, didn't want to face Stefan and have to answer the annoyingly persistent questions about their little road trip that his brother would no doubt be waiting to ask him.

So, instead of turning his car in the direction of the boarding house, he got on the freeway and headed out of town. He didn't know where he was going, just that he needed to get _away_. Not for long, of course. He wasn't in a place yet where he could just take off, leave Mystic Falls and _her_ behind. But maybe someday. He hoped so.

The night was dark and quiet around him. Not that the darkness was any problem: he could see just fine. The silence, however, bothered him. It left him alone with his thoughts, and that was not a place he wanted to be right now.

Not taking his eyes of the dark road, he reached over and turned on the radio. One of the latest Katy Perry songs blasted through the speakers, and he quickly pushed the button to change the station, remembering how _she_ had nodded along to the music on their way to Duke.

He found a station playing rock, and turned the volume up as he accelerated. Sixty miles per hour … seventy … eighty …

The song changed as he took a turn-off at seventy-five, breaks screeching, and after a moment, the lyrics registered.

_I'm head over heels goddess of mine  
Your curls touching my face and now I can fly  
You brought my life back  
The glory you found  
I'm in deep debt, without you I wouldn't survive  
I'm not ever alone_

Abruptly, he punched the button to turn the radio off so hard it almost broke. No. He was not going to think about her, and he'd be damned if he let a stupid _song_ remind him of her.

At that moment, he spotted an open bar and quickly pulled into the parking lot, grateful for the distraction. The plan that had formulated itself in his mind during the drive was simple; drink, get wasted, forget her for one night. He wasn't stupid enough to think that getting drunk would solve any problems in the long run, but that wasn't what he was looking for either. Right now, he would settle for a few blissful hours of _not thinking of her_. That shouldn't be too much to ask, right?

The bar wasn't very crowded, and he made his way straight to a stool by the counter.

"Bourbon, neat," he told the bartender, a guy who looked like he would be more comfortable in some sort of biker bar with his tattoos and leather vest. Damon scanned the room quickly to make sure his first impression of the place hadn't been wrong. Nope, no bikers around, just your run-of-the-mill Average Joes out for a drink. Not that it would have made a difference, but he wanted to be on top of the situation.

He downed the liquor in one sweep and signaled to the bartender to fill his glass again.

"Hi."

He lifted his gaze from the amber liquid and met the blue eyes of a woman in her early twenties, blonde hair, lots of make-up and a smile that was probably supposed to be seductive on her face.

"Hi." He offered her a quick smile before returning his attention to the glass in front of him.

"You looked a little lonely, so I thought you might like some company," the woman continued, undeterred by his lack of interest.

Company … a couple of months ago, she wouldn't have had to ask twice. But now …

He glanced over at her. She was pretty, maybe even beautiful. The look in her eyes made it clear that he wouldn't even have to use his _special_ powers; she was only too willing to leave this bar with him right now. He wouldn't have to be alone tonight. In fact, he would never have to be alone again if he didn't want to be. It would be so easy to leave with this woman, to take her back to his place, start the game all over again. Like last year, with Caroline.

But he knew that it wouldn't be enough. Not now, not after _her_.

Damn her! When had he turned into her lap dog? He hadn't even known it was happening until it was too late. And now it was definitely too late. Too late for everything.

The sound of nails against glass reminded him of the woman sitting next to him, that she was still waiting for an answer. He turned to look at her again. The smile was still plastered on her face, but it looked forced now. He saw her glance at a booth across the room, to a group of girls watching the exchange with rapt attention. Her friends, he assumed.

"Sorry, sweetheart, not gonna happen." Her face fell a little at his words. "So you can just run along back to your little friends." He made a dismissive motion with his left hand as she slipped off the barstool.

Of course, he couldn't help but overhear her conversation with her friends.

"He told me to _run along_," she complained, imitating his tone of voice.

"Jerk!" a couple of the other girls exclaimed in unison, and he huffed to himself.

The worst part was that he could practically hear _her_ voice in his head.

_Was it really necessary to be so rude to her?_ she would have asked in that accusing tone she sometimes used when he had done something that she didn't approve of. _It wouldn't have killed you to be a little nicer, you know._

_Technically already dead,_ he would have retorted, and she would have rolled her eyes at him.

No.

He. Was. Not. Going. To. Think. About. Her.

He downed the second glass and closed his eyes, trying to find something to take his mind off her. The music playing in the bar made for a pretty good distraction, and he tried to focus on the lyrics.

_Hold on tight, be the strong one to melt the fight, make it all right  
Hatred grows, leaving leads for us, yes it shows, can't find harmony  
You won't heal, it's for real_

_Surely fall, never take friendship personal,  
Go your own way and prove them wrong  
It's in your hands now, hanging on to the hopeful words,  
Plant a seed with a need_

_I am never alone, I'm failing to turn  
I will never miss home, I want to get back again  
I am never alone, my colors will burn,  
Never alone, always alone_

No.

He opened his eyes again, staring at the bottles lined up on the shelf behind the bar. Too close to home.

As he dropped a couple of bills on the bar counter, slid off the stool and stalked towards the door, the words dug into his already tortured mind.

_I am never, I am always alone_

No matter how many people he surrounded himself with, he would always be alone. Because he would never have _her_.

**AN: A little … OK, a lot depressing, I know. I blame the song, and the fact that Damon/Elena looks like a very unlikely scenario on the show right now. But I am hopeful. Anyway, my first _Vampire Diaries_ fic, so don't kill me. Now, push the little button and REVIEW!**


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